(This is a collaborative post and may contain affiliate links, meaning that a purchase through one of these links might earn the writers a commission, at no additional cost. This helps maintain my blog! xx)
Do you struggle with self criticism and negativity? It’s hard not to- and you’re not alone!
It’s very easy to see ourselves through critical eyes.
We often fear the judgement of others – be it that of our friends, family, or strangers. Yet often the most critical person you will ever encounter is YOURSELF.
The high standards we set for ourselves and our quest to be ‘perfect’ or ‘liked’ can feel very onerous at times, indeed, it can feel like the whole world is on our shoulders. This pressure we put on ourselves can in some cases be useful, provoking us to be productive and get things done. Unfortunately, pressure more often exceeds a healthy point and becomes unhealthy, even debilitating at times.
This in turn, creates a state of anxiety that impedes our level of performance and knocks our confidence even further meaning we fall down a downward spiral of self deprecation – inevitably feeling dreadful about ourselves as we focus on our shortcomings and failures.
Many people will seek counseling or psychotherapy to deal with this issue, yet all it comes down to is starting to see yourself through kinder and more accepting eyes – and you don’t need vision therapy to do that. You simply need to shift your approach in terms of how you perceive and judge yourself.
Self Talk
There’s a notion of “self talk” within psychology which refers to the way we think and communicate with ourselves. For instance, let’s say you don’t get the grade you wanted on a test – there are two directions in which you could think about this.
- You could berate yourself and think thoughts that weigh you down and send you into a negative spiral
- You could look at the situation objectively, realize that you didn’t study as hard as you need to and see it as feedback that you need to put more effort in, next time around.
I used to be an expert at the first option…. I’m not saying I never think this way now, but now I know how to reason with the thought and contradict it with an approach that mirrors the second option.
Redirecting Self Criticism
Redirecting your thoughts like this is no easy feat. It takes a lot of practice and ambition. I put together this short list of 7 questions to help you challenge your negative thoughts and build this practice!
When you start to use the 2nd option, you not only avoid the negative thought spirals, but you also allow yourself to enhance your strengths and work on your weaknesses.
The difference in the way you talk to yourself, and see yourself is huge, and will have a massive effect on all aspects of your life. In starting to see yourself through kinder eyes, you will become more accepting of yourself and more appreciative of your qualities – as “energy flows where attention goes”, meaning, whatever you focus on expands.
The last thing you want to expand is the negative, yet so many people are trapped in a perpetual way of negative thinking (particularly when it comes to themselves).
Why do our brains seem to latch on to the negative? We all share common cognitive errors that trap us into cycles of superlative thinking and negative energy.
Acknowledging these cognitive errors is the first step to conquering them. After you are aware of them, you can challenge them with these questions!
Perception is reality. This is to say, reality is subjective – there is no objective reality because we all see the world through our own eyes, therefore you have the power to shape your experience based on the way you see the world and yourself.
In simple terms, you will feel a lot better when you start viewing yourself through kinder eyes that focus on your qualities rather than your flaws.
