How to Help a Friend with an Eating Disorder

Eating Disorders are the most deadly mental illness.

The prevalence of eating disorders in today’s society is concerning- 1 in 3 girls deal with an eating disorder at some point in their life.

As someone who has personally lost years due to an eating disorder, I can vouch for the fact that they are terribly draining and taxing on your body, mind, soul, and that of your family and friends.

I wanted to provide some advice for friends/family of an individual with an eating disorder. This issue can be extremely hard to navigate, and I hope this post helps you be more sensitive in conversations with your loved ones who might be struggling with an eating disorder.

General Advice for Interacting with a Friend Who Might Have an ED:

Try to not center events/hangouts around food. This can often be a huge source of stress and overwhelm for someone with an eating disorder.
Encourage your friend to seek out a therapist and help him/her in their search!
Keep the dialogue on food/body/fitness to a minimum when you are around a friend you suspect has an ED.
If your friend constantly asks for affirmations relating to their food intake or body, don’t give them it! Instead, compliment them on something character related.

It’s difficult to find a balance of expressing genuine concern and overstepping any boundaries/triggers when speaking to someone with someone you so badly want to help recover.

To get some professional advice on this, I spoke with Lauren Smolar, the Director of Programs at the National Eating Disorder Association, about helping a friend that you believe is struggling with an eating disorder.

I hope that this interview brings some clarity to this issue; it certainly did for me!

Q: How do I know when to confront my friend or seek help for my friend?

A: This is so tough! If you think your friend may be struggling, we recommend having a talk with them in a gentle, caring, non-confrontational way that addresses the concerns you have and encourages them to seek help from an eating disorder treatment specialist.

It’s important to not pressure your friend too much if they aren’t ready for help, but you can let them know you are here to support them when they are ready.

[bctt tweet=”It’s important to not pressure your friend too much if they aren’t ready for help, but you can let them know you are here to support them when they are ready.” username=”soulfulseedblog”]

Q: How do I know what advice I can give (if any at all) to my friend?

A: We don’t recommend any kind of advice since that really needs to come from a specialist who can fully assess your friend.

Q: My friend is an adult and I don’t know her/his parents. What higher/more experienced authority can I talk to in order to seek help for them?

A: Feel free to contact the NEDA Helpline to speak to a trained volunteer who can help you figure out what resources are available to help support your friend! You can also speak with an eating disorder specialist yourself if you find that you are needing support with what your friend is going through.

Q: I’ve confronted my friend about her exhibiting what I perceive to be very unhealthy thoughts about her body and food. She got very defensive and angry and told me off. What do I do?

A: It’s important to address your concerns in a gentle and non-judgemental manner. Eating disorders are often rooted in a lot of shame and secretiveness. Often if a friend isn’t ready for help or feels attacked they may be defensive. Let your friend know you are concerned and what him/her to get the help they deserve. Tell them you are there to support them.

how to help a friend with an eating disorder

Q: My friend is on social media a lot, and has recently been making negative comparative statements about her body. I don’t think it has manifested into an eating disorder, but I know that this stage she is in can be dangerous territory. What can I do to help?

A: Let them know about her wonderful non-body-related qualities too! Tell your friend how much you value their friendship, how smart they are, how kind they are, etc. And if they aren’t feeling comfortable with their body, encourage them to seek help.

Q: How do I know if I am overstepping a boundary when trying to help my friend? I don’t want her to hate me or feel like I’m breathing down her back, but I want her to get help.

A: This is so tough! Remember you are there to support your friend, not to tell them exactly what they should do, give ultimatums, or attack them. You want to make sure they know you are concerned and you are there to listen and you ultimately want them to be healthy and happy.

Check out my other articles that are part of the #nedaawareness week here-

Most importantly, check out the NEDA website to learn more about the resources available to help you, a loved one, or even a stranger through an eating disorder.

If you suspect you or a loved one is dealing with an eating disorder, please call the NEDA Helpline or contact a mental health professional— it is the right thing to do.

General Advice for Interacting with a Friend Who Might Have an ED:

I hope that this interview brings some clarity to this issue; it certainly did for me!

If you suspect you or a loved one is dealing with an eating disorder, please call the NEDA Helpline or contact a mental health professional— it is the right thing to do.

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